August 23,2020

She told me 44 years ago that it’s until death do us part!! The anxiety and pain hit today and I imagine will hit again and again; “She is leaving me” not by choice nor by her own volition but it feels the same, she is leaving. How does one face that? I know grace and grace alone but today as I sat by the edge of the canal the pain of an unwanted yet anticipated separation tore my guts out. She is leaving me. I’m experiencing a loneliness that no one can cure even though she is not yet gone. I don’t know how someone handles divorce or separation. I just cry from my heart “don’t go!!” She can’t help it I know but that doesn’t change the issue. How do I help her with comfort in her leaving when she’s getting the better end of it all. She gets to be held by Jesus while we struggle to heal and accept her leaving. Such a day it is.

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